Demons destroy.

I do not believe that Christians are supposed to live with demons. They should be casting them out. There is no such thing in the Bible as a Christian living with a demon. Something is wrong with our Christianity, and with our lives. The Bible says Nebuchadnezzar had the mind of an animal. Jesus said people like that had a spirit that’s evil. That’s what the Bible says. I do not believe in acting like mental instanity is cute, or pretending we’re just a "unique family."

I do not hate "special needs kids." I hate demons. I hate that this being that lives in my house is not what humanity was supposed to be.

We are supposed to flee from the things that make us too busy. There is no purpose in changing diapers. “The poor you will always have with you.” We are supposed to look out for other believers, not demon children over believers.

I would never in a million years have thought it was a good idea to work in an insane asylum. Why? Because I would not want to surround myself with evil spirits, knowing I don’t know how to cast them out. I know that right now they are more powerful than me and I would not be mentally able to deal with it. So why is it ok for me to be around my demon-possed child 24/7 when I can’t do it? I’ve become the worst person I know. I did not used to be. I used to care and be kind. Now I’m dead. It killed me.

Jesus is against the busy-ness of life. I think Satan is the one that sends things to distract and weary people away from seeking and learning truth. Autism is not from God.

I’m angry cause I know things are not how they should be, and also cause I’m grieving. Grieving that all I wanted to do with my life was help people know truth, teach a kid to think about life, but instead I am the caretaker of an insane person who does not learn anything and who has robbed me of every ounce of strength to ever help anyone else. Instead of making a difference in this world, I am wiping butts and drool for the rest of my life. Now I can do nothing else ever, because all of my strength and energy and sanity are gone. 

I can barely physically take care of a 6 year old in diapers. What happens when she’s 10 and we still haven’t learned how to cast out demons? What if we never learn how?

I cannot think anymore because of the busyness and stress of life. Everything I see in the Bible is that you are NOT supposed to have that life, not willingly walk into that kind of life.

I did not want to be a psych ward caregiver. The only reason I even wanted to be a mother was to help a kid. Now I’m completely ruined. I will never be able to be a mother. I only agreed to take her in because I thought God would help. I thought God would heal. I thought she would get better. But she has gotten worse and worse and she has destroyed us too.