This is not motherhood.

My husband thinks I’m a bad mom. But I’m not a mom at all. I am a caretaker of a mad lunatic. 

I wanted to be a mom and now I will never be a mom because I'm too mentally and physically destroyed, too busy, too at my wits' end.

I didn’t want to be a mom to be sentimental. I was never like other girls. I didn't care about the feel-good part. I wanted to be a mom so that I could teach and help someone learn to do what’s right, become a part of society, teach them to have a good head on their shoulders and help others, help someone learn the good path of humanity.

Instead I wipe the behind of someone who will never mentally progress past age 1.

I did not want to be simply a caretaker. If I had wanted to do that I would have signed up for a nursing home… or a psych ward position.

Millions of people all over take care of mentally ill people, and do it very well. That in and of itself does not make you a Christian. This caregiving I'm doing is not Christianity - it's the hell of a broken fallen world that is destroying the few good people that are left in it.